Confessional
by SassyJ
Summary: In the aftermath of an accident three women unburden themselves of their feelings...
1. In the dark of the night

_**4 pm**_

She sat next to the bed and held his hand. Willing him to wake up. "The doctor said it's up to you now, darlin'. You have to wake up. Please. For me." She stroked the inside of his wrist. "I'm sorry I got it all wrong, but hey, I'm a good time party girl, and I thought you were a good time party boy and we could have fun with no strings. I never meant to mess with your head. I never meant it to be more than good times. So I'm sorry I hurt you. But that's all I have to give. You said it yourself once, that there needs to be some private life, some distance between you and the job. Well I thought we could be in the moment and in the job, I never realised you were taking it all that seriously." She looked up at his face. _So still, eyes closed. _The only other sound the beep of the machine that he was attached to, announcing that he was, in fact, alive. She never thought she would take some comfort from the constant beep of a machine, but if it meant knowing that he was still alive, there was still a chance.

_**6 pm**_

She stood outside the room and watched them together. Stevie chattering on, clinging to his hand, talking nineteen to the dozen about all sorts of rubbish. She knew it wasn't what was said, it was the sound of the voice that would draw him back. She pushed open the swing doors, and Stevie looked up, "Guv?"

"How is he?"

"No change so far, but..." Stevie trailed off, she didn't want to cry now. But later when she was home, she would cry for both him and her.

"I'll stay with him for a while, you've been here for hours."

Stevie nodded and retrieved her bag. Bent over to drop a quick kiss on his forehead. "Bye darlin'."

She took the seat that Stevie had vacated, and took hold of his hand, turning it in both of hers, she planted a kiss in the palm. "Jo told me I should be talking to you, that we never closed the book and that it was hurting you more as time passed. Well, it's hurting me too. We never ended, we just fell apart didn't we? You made mistakes. Well so did I, and I'm truly sorry that I did. That I pushed you away, _dumped you, like an unwanted dog on the motorway_ as Jo so delicately phrased it. Because now I can see that there was a great deal of harm in what happened, that it was all too fast, too rushed and there was always a shadow hanging over us." She smiled ruefully _and still is_. "And that I allowed that shadow to come between us. I shouldn't have done that. Perhaps if I hadn't been so convinced you were going to run a mile, perhaps I had pushed you so far into a corner the only thing left for you to do was to run away? But I didn't come to dig up the past again, I wanted to try to heal the future. But that future has to have you in it. You have to be there or all of this is for nothing." Her voice trembled, tears began to gather and fall, "you're strong and fit, you can beat this, the doctor said it was up to you, well I know you've got the guts to fight this, to come back to us... just do it, please. Please. For me. Or not for me, for Jo, because she loves you, or someone... is it Stevie?...I've known for a while that there was someone, but you've kept so quiet about it that I wasn't sure... then something went wrong... didn't it? Something went so wrong, that it made you careless" She was leaning over him, willing him to wake up, "I can't kiss you, mostly because of the tube in your throat, but also because I'm not here to turn back time, I want to close that chapter, and I want us to do it together."

_**8.30 pm**_

She stood outside the door and watched Sam. She had come round earlier and heard Stevie begging him and pleading with him, now it was Sam's turn. And she wondered what force of nature it was that meant that women had to salve their consciences with the opportunity to unburden themselves. _We all do it. Even me. Perhaps if I hadn't snapped at you when you were trying to talk to me this morning, perhaps things might have turned out slightly differently. Did I make you careless? Or was the thought of this collar making you reckless? Well, you can't give up on me now. Because I won't let you. You saved my life. You persisted when others would have given up, or not bothered in the first place. Afterwards, all I wanted to do was hug you, but even then, you tried to play it down, maintain that distance, even though I could see that you felt differently, then I put my arms round your neck and pulled you into a hug, and it all changed. When I stepped back, I could see it in your eyes, you nearly lost it then, but I couldn't let you crumble, you might have resented me for it later. And I was right, even though you are cocky, and devious, and occasionally downright manipulative, and the demon that drives you makes you do and say things that make me and the rest of CID absolutely mad, you're one of the best friends I've ever had. My honorary little brother. Well I'm not giving you up, certainly not like this._

She pushed open the door, and walked in. Sam looked up. "Jo... I..."

"I know." Jo looked down at her. "Any change?"

"No... not really." Sam's lower lip trembled. And Jo sighed inwardly with some irritation. Weeping was not going to bring him back. They'd been flinging the hearts and flowers for hours now, with absolutely no response. _Time for something a bit more radical._

Sam got up to go, leaving him with Jo. Which was for the best. Jo and Stuart had a bond between them that no one else fully understood and very few people even realised existed. If anyone could get him to wake up, it would be Jo.

She looked back as she left, Jo was already in the chair, and had taken hold of his hand. The door was slightly ajar and Sam heard her speak.

"Stu. This is stupid. The doctor tells me that it's up to you, so in the best romantic fiction style, Stevie and Sam have been dispensing hearts and flowers for the last five hours. Ever since they fished you out of the river and rushed you in here. And it's not working."

She paused. Squeezed his hand. "So this is me. You know me, you know everything about me, we've spent hours in cars, in other people's front rooms, back rooms, and even an attic, we've pounded on hundreds of doors, we've agreed and disagreed and argued, we've been closer than any two people on the planet, so you know I'm just going to tell it to you straight. We need you. I need you, and I am not going to let you go. And since you never know when to stop, what's stopping you now? You know I'm going to sit here and nag you until you do. I don't do hearts and flowers, you know I don't. So I'm going to do the thing that drives you mad, I'm going to nag you until you wake up and stop me."

_Voice... that voice...Jo, nagging me... what about...god my head hurts, just wish she'd stop...something's stopping me swallowing...OH GOD_

His hand gripped hers, and his eyes flew open. Jo's finger convulsed on the bell, "Stu, calm down... come on hun, calm down..." the panicked message in his eyes was clear, he needed rid of the tube in his throat, the next few moments were a confused blur as running feet announced the arrival of the nurse, and the doctor in rapid succession.

"DS Turner, relax... I'm going to take the tube out now..." the doctor detached the oxygen and gently removed the tube from Stuart's throat, he gasped for breath, then a stricken look came over his face and he almost threw himself over the edge of the bed, Jo caught him and held his head as his body purged itself of what seemed to be half the Thames.

When he was done, she helped him ease back into bed, and sat on the mattress next to him. "And what was so difficult about that then?"

"What." his voice was hoarse and grumpy.

"Five hours we've been waiting for you to rejoin the land of the living!"

"Five hours?! Did you get..."

"Did we nick him? Yes." she smiled "Trust you, five hours of hearts and flowers and the only thing you can think about is did we make the collar."

He swallowed a couple of times, and she picked up the beaker of water, holding it so he could take a drink. "Don't fuss..." he grouched hoarsely.

"Don't be so grumpy. I'm entitled to fuss."

"Where are my clothes?" his voice didn't even sound like his own.

"Oh no you don't." She was on her feet. She stood over him, "I will get them to cuff you to the bed."

"Please..." he groaned, he didn't care how beat up he was feeling, he just wanted out of hospital.

She looked at him, his voice was barely there, his throat was obviously very sore, he'd just regurgitated half the Thames, he'd been on a machine for most of the afternoon and early evening ever since they'd pulled him out of the river more than half drowned, now all he wanted to do was get out of there. Well she could relate to that, and she knew he would find a way, because short of chaining him to the bed, if he was fully conscious he was getting out of there, even if he was dressed in just a hospital gown.

"If... the doctor thinks you're fit to go, you can come home with me." She had brought a bag with her, with some clothes for him. Not that she was going to admit to that until she was certain that he would be alright to leave, because if the doctor thought otherwise, she would cuff him to the bed herself.

Stuart didn't care what the doctor thought, all he really wanted was to go home with Jo, curl up on her enormous, comfortable sofa and forget everything for a few hours. His head hurt, his throat hurt and he felt run over by a steam roller, but tlc from his best friend was better than anything he could get in hospital.

_**11 pm**_

He got his wish, and he lay stretched out on Jo's big leather sofa, and cuddled up against her, resting his head on her thigh. Her hand absently stroked his shoulder, and he made a contented noise deep in his throat.

Jo sighed. He almost took it for granted that her sofa would be his refuge, and she let him. She looked down, he'd snuggled up in the duvet, his cheek was resting on her thigh, eyes closed, one arm flung across her knees, he looked comfortable and pleased with himself. Despite the vague suspicion that he was taking advantage again, Jo smiled to herself and gently stroked her fingers through his short black hair, she didn't actually mind.

The doorbell went. Stu made a sleepy noise that sounded grumpy and a lot less contented. Jo gently slid her hand under his head, he made another grouchy noise and she sighed. "Stu, I have to get that, it's late and I don't want to wake the neighbours." She eased the cushion which she had been leaning against under his head, as she slid out and went to answer the door.

"Stevie!" Jo was slightly startled to see the petite blonde standing on her doorstep.

"Jo... I..."

Jo reached out and pulled her friend into the hallway. "You want to see Stu, I suppose."

Stevie nodded, "I..."

Jo sighed, slightly exasperated _it's nearly midnight and we've all had a really trying day... couldn't it have waited?_ "You had better come in. Though I warn you, he's half asleep and a bit grouchy."

Stevie followed Jo to the sitting room, Stu was curled up under a duvet on Jo's couch. He was certainly a healthier colour than he had been some five hours ago, when she was clutching his hand and begging him to come back to them. She knelt down next to him. "Stu?" Silence, his breathing was deep and regular. She looked up at Jo, "he's asleep, perhaps I ought to leave it?"

Jo frowned, she knew he wasn't asleep, but she guessed that he wasn't feeling up to a relationship postmortem. "It might be a better idea. He's worn out." she lied, and felt slightly annoyed about doing so.

"I'd better go then." Stevie bent over and kissed him on the cheek.

Jo ushered her out and went back into the sitting room, Stu had turned over, resting on his back. She cleared her throat and his eyes opened. "That was a bit mean. Stevie's been half out of her mind with worry."

His eyelids drooped a bit, and he grumbled "I know, and I know she was going to blame herself, but it wasn't some kind of death wish, it was purely an accident." He coughed a little. "Can I have a drink?" he whispered, his throat felt like he had gargled with razor blades.

"Okay hun." Jo relented, they'd just fished him out of the Thames, and he'd nearly drowned, the last thing he needed right then was yet another relationship postmortem. She moved through to the kitchen and set about making him a warm sweet tea, not too hot, to ease the pain in his throat. She'd just finished and was carrying the tea through to the sitting room, when the doorbell went again.

Stuart frowned, and made a face, turning onto his side to face the back of the sofa, he pulled the duvet up until only some tufts of black hair showed. Jo knew exactly how he felt. Exasperated, she put his drink down on the coffee table and went to answer the door.

"Sam." Jo's tone was not welcoming. And Sam stood and dithered.

"I... wanted to see Stuart."

"Sam, Stu nearly drowned today, he's exhausted and, frankly, so am I! Can't it wait?" Jo's tone was more reasonable than she was feeling. But Sam felt the full force of the rebuke anyway.

"Yes... of course. I'll come back." She turned away and headed back towards her car.

"Yes... _you do that. Pity you didn't think about doing that last year... oh for heaven's sake Jo, get a grip..._"

Jo wandered back into the sitting room, Stu was still hiding under the duvet, and she sat down next to him on the couch. "Come on hun. It's okay. They've both gone. You don't have to try and make sense of any of it tonight."

He rolled over and cuddled against her. She slid an arm round him and stroked the back of his neck. "Want some of this tea then." He nodded, eyes still closed, just leaning against her, breathing in her perfume.

She turned around so he could lean against her, and he swallowed some of the tea, feeling grateful that the dry pain in the back of his throat eased a little. He gave her the mug, and leaned back against her. Whatever else happened he could always rely on his best friend.


	2. Making Up and Falling Apart

**7am**

Stuart made himself comfortable on the sofa again, and fished in the big bowl of fruit that Jo had put on the coffee table for a piece of melon. He lay back on the pillows and idly flicked the satellite box remote, trawling through the onscreen timetable for something to watch. He was just debating between "_Dark Angel"_ and the rather delectable Jessica Alba, or something on Greek Mythology... _lots of pretty Mediterranean girls in flimsy outfits_, when the front door bell interrupted this pleasant reverie.

Stuart scowled. Randomly pressed a button, and turned his attention to the piece of fruit in his hand, nibbling it idly he lay back and awaited the inevitable. He didn't have long to wait.

Jo appeared in the sitting room doorway, with Stevie in tow. "Visitor for you, Stu." she leaned down over the back of the sofa as she passed into the kitchen, "be nice."

Stu eyed his erstwhile girlfriend warily, and took another bite of the melon.

Stevie sighed, he wasn't going to make it easy on her, and she could scarcely blame him. It had been just five days since she had walked away for the last time, and she hadn't been particularly nice about it. Truth was, she felt panicky. She loved the undercover work, the personas that she could exchange and slip into and out of, the idea of picking up a life and dropping it to move back to her own, which was why she liked no complications. And Stu had been a complication.

She had fallen for him quite unexpectedly when they'd been trapped by a violent gang of robbers who had taken a warehouse manager and his family hostage. She had tried to talk the gang down, and things had been turning nasty when Stu had stepped in and drawn their fire. And he had been brutally beaten for it. Even now she could see the backhander that had slammed into his face, knocking him off his feet with the force of the blow.

But it wasn't just that, there were other times, times when she was certain that he was interested on a personal level, but he'd always backed away, and Stevie loved a challenge. Finding what made Stu tick had developed into a bit of an obsession, so by the time he was lying on Jo's couch recuperating from a broken ankle and quite a few other injuries, Stevie had convinced herself that her rush of hormones and natural instinct for a challenge were more serious. Injured Stuart with most of his defenses down was far easier to crack than healthy, extremely wary Stuart, and Stevie got a bit carried away with the romance of the moment.

They had made love, and fallen happily into a quite highly charged and excitable romance. Stevie was a party girl, and Stu had fitted in with that lifestyle. They'd kept it a secret from the rest of CID, Stevie didn't want the pressure, and Stu was quite intensely private anyway. It was only when she was walking away for the last time that she realised there were things that he'd never let her in on.

During their brief but passionate ten week romance, she found that while she lived for the moment, Stu saw things differently, and Stevie wasn't comfortable with that, they had just started to argue about their differences when the undercover operation with Smithy had come up. Stevie fell into that with delight, the thing that she was best at, undercover. Stu was tense, and wary, and the couple of nights she had gone to his place, uncommunicative at best. That final Monday morning, she had got out of bed, and slipped his robe on, cuddling into it. She had made herself a coffee and sat watching him sleep. And she had known in her heart that they were not destined to be together. Stu was not the one.

So she had told him. And had been surprised by his reaction. She'd expected anger, shouting, denials, anything but what she got. Calm silence. And then the shutter dropped. It was like armour plating. He'd gone deep inside and shut her out completely.

Their paths didn't cross until the day of the arrest. And she had been slightly taken aback to discover that he had somehow rewound the tape. It was as though the last ten weeks had never happened. He was warm and friendly and teasing, but there was a barrier between them again.

Then came the moment of the arrest. This was quite a big collar and Stevie knew that Stu wanted this one badly. He'd chased their suspect out onto the pontoon dock, and when cornered the man had turned around and faced Stuart. What had happened next was a blur, as the two men had grappled, Stu trying to arrest the man, and they'd fallen in. The suspect couldn't swim, and had panicked, dragging Stu under and during the struggle Stu had gone under several times, and the last time he hadn't come up.

The suspect had been dragged out and arrested and Callum and Nate had gone in after Stu. They'd dragged him to the surface, unconscious, not breathing, and Stevie had thought that he was dead.

The next eight hours or so had been the worst of her life. They'd taken him to St Hugh's, he was breathing with the help of the machine at first, then they'd realised he was breathing on his own, and the doctor had explained to a terrified Stevie that it was up to Stuart to fight. The part that she kept to herself was the reason, as she saw it, why he might not want to. She'd sat by his bedside and held his unresponsive hand for four hours, talking to him, trying to tell him how sorry she was, that she never meant to hurt him, that she'd misunderstood the depth of his feelings.

Now he was awake, fully conscious, in possession of all his faculties, and the shutters were down harder than ever. She took a deep breath and sat next to him on the sofa. Her thigh pressed against his, and she looked at him with a challenge in her eyes.

"Stu. I'm sorry."

He eyed her warily, "what on earth for?"

"If I had been there..."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"But..."

"Stevie, it was an accident. We fell in, and I don't remember too much of what happened next, but it was an accident." His expression softened a little. "It's not your fault, and it wasn't at the time."

She took heart from the slight lifting of the shutters, and impulsively leaned in to kiss him. For a second, he was unresponsive, and then he gave in. She could feel the goodbye in his kiss, as she drew back, she realised that she had never really known him at all. And that thought made her a little sad.

Stu looked at the crestfallen look in her pretty blue eyes, and impulsively hugged her. "It's okay, honestly it is." he said, "we just weren't meant to be."

"Friends." Stevie held out her hand, and he took it.

"Friends." he grinned "Little legs!"

She nudged him with her elbow, "stop calling me that, or I'm gonna make yer."

"You and which army?" That slightly irritating teasing light was back in his eyes and Stevie sighed, happy that they were back to normality.

"I take it all's right with the world again."

Stevie looked up at Jo and nodded.

"Alleluja!" Jo sounded quite snippy and Stevie sighed again, in all the panic and fuss, and guilt of the night before, she'd forgotten just how worried and upset Jo had been. Then Stu looked up at Jo and took her hand, for a second something passed between them. It was so fleeting that Stevie wasn't sure that she hadn't imagined it. For that second they were in their own private little world, and Stevie realised that he would never have just let go, the bond between Stu and Jo was too strong.

Stevie got up, she had to get into work, and Stu and Jo obviously wanted to be alone. She smiled to herself, it was alright again. She dropped a quick kiss on Stu's forehead, "bye darlin'" and followed Jo out to the front door, impulsively hugging her friend. "It's alright!"

"I know." Jo looked at her strangely, and Stevie had a very strong feeling that there was more to that brief glimpse that she had had into Jo and Stuart's relationship. As she walked to her car she wondered about that bond between Stuart Turner, cocky smoothie, who was nowhere near as tough, smug and unfeeling as he would have the world think, and Joanne Masters, gay tomboy, who understood more than Stevie could have believed possible. On paper it would have made no sense. Chalk and cheese. But there was something there that held them together, like powerful magnets.

Stevie replayed the second's flash in her head, one of her strengths was her total recall of minute details, Stu had taken Jo's hand and squeezed it, they'd looked at each other and it was like an electrical current had passed between them. Stevie hit the slow motion button in her mind processing the moment. Stu's eyes had held something that had looked suspiciously like love when he'd glanced up at Jo, and there was a softness to Jo's expression that she probably wasn't even aware of. Stevie hugged the little secret to herself. _Clues to what made them tick._

**9.15am**

Jo pulled the last of the clothes from the tumble drier and dropped them in the laundry basket. She heaved the thing up, and lugged it through to the lounge. Stu was curled up on the sofa, out for the count. He'd pulled the duvet up and buried his face in the pillow. He made a strange noise deep in his throat and the hairs on the back of Jo's neck stood up. She put the basket down and moved round to sit next to him on the couch.

"Stu?" she shook him gently. His skin was clammy to the touch, and he was deeply asleep. "Stu. Come on, hun." She shook him a little harder, but he wasn't hearing her, he was in the grip of a nightmare. "STU." Jo grabbed his arms, and with a strangled yelp he sat up, his eyes flew open and for a second he clearly didn't know where he was. Jo instinctively put her arms around him, and he leaned into her.

"Oh god!" His voice shook. "I..."

"Stu, it was a nightmare."

"It felt so real, I haven't had nightmares for years."

Jo stroked his back gently. "Hun, you nearly drowned yesterday, and I'm sure you should really still be in hospital."

"Well, _I'm_ sure I shouldn't." he shuddered. He hated hospital with a passion, it brought back all sorts of memories, all of them bad. He wrapped his arms around Jo and buried his face in her neck, his heart was still racing, and if he closed his eyes he could still just about picture the dark visions that crept around the edges. He swallowed.

Jo held on, something about the closeness between them tugged very hard at her heartstrings. He was difficult, and complex, with a devious streak a mile wide, but he was also strong and caring, and a very true friend, and she loved him, because he was... him.

Stu nuzzled the side of her neck. He loved Jo, and sometimes the sheer force of his true feelings for her threatened to overwhelm him. And that would never do. He'd tried to bury the intensity of his emotions in a series of relationships that were as short lived as they were unlikely, and when he had hooked up with Stevie, he'd tried, really tried, to forget his feelings for his honorary sister. He liked Stevie, and was quite seriously attracted to her, she certainly fit the pattern, pretty, blonde, smart, fun.

But then Sam had decided that he and Jo should go and arrest a suspect for handling stolen goods. The suspect was cagey. And they'd had to think of something fast. When Jo leaned over and put her arms around his neck, he'd gone with the flow, only the flow had got a little out of hand. And then he'd kissed Jo.

And she had carried on as though nothing had happened. So he'd gone home, Stevie had appeared, and Stu was feeling guilty. He'd kissed Jo, he was in a relationship with Stevie; Jo was gay, off limits, would never return his feelings, and was probably feeling slightly disgusted with him; Stevie was his girlfriend, and while he hadn't physically cheated on her, what flashed through his mind as he'd leaned into the kiss with Jo, was that he'd wanted to keep going. Guilt made him tense and wary.

Then Stevie had called time on their affair. And Stu had realised that that was all it had been, a good time party affair that had run its course. The thought made him feel even more guilty, and slightly sick at himself. He hadn't really meant to shut Stevie out, but taking a good, long, hard look at himself and where his private life was going wasn't particularly pleasant. He was thirty four, and the long vista of weary years with nothing but the job, followed by retirement, followed by... He stopped himself there, before everything became too miserable to contemplate.

But here and now, alone with Jo, he could pretend for a little while. So he nuzzled her neck and leaned into her drawing comfort from her arms around him.


	3. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic

**6 pm**

The doorbell went. Jo scurried to answer it. It was Sam, with Phil in tow. _Why bring Phil?_ Jo frowned a little. Phil smiled ruefully. "I know, but it wasn't my idea."

"You had better come in, and since you're both here," Jo picked up a slip of paper from the table in the hallway, "would someone kindly go out and fill that for me."

Phil took the slip of paper, it was a prescription and Sam looked panicky. "What's wrong?"

"Well, the doctor did warn me that Stu's swim in the Thames might have a couple of side effects." Jo's smile was a bit strained, "and it has."

"_JO" _

There was a distant wail from the direction of the sitting room, and Jo hurried to answer it, Sam following.

"I'm here," Jo grabbed the bucket, and caught him before he fell off the sofa. Holding his head while he retched into the bucket. He lay sprawled across her knees, as she rubbed his back with her free hand.

"What's the matter?" Sam moved to kneel next to them. Putting a cool hand on Stu's back. He didn't even acknowledge her, feeling too washed out to even move.

"He's picked up an infection. He started feeling sick just after lunch, his temperature shot up and when he actually started being sick, I called the doctor."

Stu made a grumbly noise.

"Hun, I think that was yesterday's breakfast." Jo rubbed his back again, and an arm slid round her waist. "No... not now, Stu... come on hun, you're heavy." Together Jo and Sam managed to push him back onto the sofa. He lay on his back and flopped a weary arm over his face.

"Sam's here." Jo said unnecessarily as Sam moved to take his free hand.

"Stuart. It's me."

"I know." he rasped.

"I'm sorry."

"I know... everybody's sorry...I have no idea what for." he grouched, his throat felt lousy again and a postmortem on why he and Sam had broken up was the last thing on his mind.

"What happened..."

"Accident..."

Sam gently stroked his hand. His skin was hot to the touch. He dropped his arm and looked her, and she took in the hectic glitter in his brown eyes and knew that he wasn't just feeling sorry for himself, he was genuinely sick.

"Stuart... I" Sam looked down at her hand holding his, trying to make it up to him and close the door on their past was tougher than she expected.

"Sam." Stu's response was grumpy to say the least. "Does this look like a confessional? If you want absolution, go and see a priest. I forgive you. Do you forgive me?" He coughed hard, the lengthy speech playing havoc with his sore throat and the pain in his head.

"Stuart, of course." Sam squeezed his hand tightly. The look on his face changed, a strange greenish pallor under his skin tone.

"OH GOD." he lunged, and this time it was Sam who caught him, as Jo shoved the bucket under his nose just in the nick of time.

Stu screwed his eyes tight shut and lay across Sam's knees, two feminine hands stroked his back, and he tried to concentrate on that and not the thundering pain in his head, or the twisting in his guts.

Together they managed to push him back onto the sofa again. Jo plumped up the pillows behind him and Sam tucked the duvet around him, and Stu just let it all happen, he hadn't felt this rough in his life before. He lay there and took it, and just let them look after him.

The doorbell went. Jo went to answer it. Stu buried his cheek in the pillow, keeping his eyes closed and tried to pretend that he wasn't there. Sam was gently stroking his hand and forearm and that just suited him fine. He idly tuned into Jo in the hall, and a voice. A masculine voice that seemed rather familiar. He struggled to place it, but it was too much for his aching brain. He could hear Jo's footsteps, and despite all the stern warnings he had given himself, he couldn't control the little leap of joy in his heart. He felt so hot and so sick, it was all too difficult to keep it straight in his head.

The door opened, and the masculine voice said "Sam."

_Phil._

Stu opened his eyes. Phil was stood next to Sam, and she was looking up at him as though her whole world was right because he was there. _And that's the way it always was._ He caught Phil looking at him, expecting a smug expression on his face, Stu was taken aback by the sympathy he saw there.

"Phil." he croaked.

"Stu... mate, what have you done to yourself?" even Phil's tone was sympathetic, and Stu relaxed, he could manage that.

"Run in with..." Stu broke off, his stomach was heaving again. "ARGH!" He rolled over and dived at the bucket. Sam caught him and Phil pushed the bucket under his head.

Jo was opening the packet that Phil had got from the chemist. She read the instructions, and shook a couple of tablets out into her hand. "Stu." she sat down on the sofa next to him, "these are supposed to calm the sickness, you need to take these."

Stu looked at the two pinkish tablets in her hand, and wondered how he was going to get them down his aching throat. Even swallowing water didn't help. Reluctantly he took the tablets from her. Struggling to sit up, he leaned heavily against Sam, and Jo held the glass of water so that he could drink from it.

"Don't fuss." he grouched hoarsely.

"Greater love hath no copper for her partner... _Thank you Jo, for putting up with me, for letting me lay around on your sofa, for clearing up after me. _I am not fussing. Now lie down again before you fall down."

He flopped back against the pillows. Screwed his eyes shut again.

"Yes, mum."

"Less sauce out of you, thank you very much."

"You two row like an old married couple." Phil stuck in his ten cents worth.

Stu's eyes opened, for a nano-second his fevered brain picked up on Phil's comment, and from somewhere a song popped into his mind.

_Though Ive tried before to tell her  
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart  
Every time that I come near her  
I just lose my nerve  
As Ive done from the start_

_Every little thing she does is magic  
Everything she do just turns me on  
Even though my life before was tragic  
Now I know my love for her goes on_

This was definitely too much to hold in his head. Stu closed his eyes and laid back, and the refrain started playing on an endless loop in his exhausted mind.


	4. Vertigo

2 am

_Why have I never noticed how steep my stairs are? Oh god, what am I going to do? If I wake him, he might fall, if I go and take his hand, I might startle him and he might fall and take both of us down. And why didn't someone warn me? Sam? She's lived with him, she must have known about this?_

She walked towards him, he was standing at the top of the stairs apparently staring down them, his eyes held a blank and unfocused look. _Here goes._ She stretched her hand out and took hold of his wrist, to her great relief he didn't flinch or jump, "Stu, hun, come back to bed." Gently she tugged on his arm and he stepped away from the edge and followed her.

Jo didn't bother steering him back to his own bed, one scare a night was more than enough for her. She pulled him into her room, folded the covers down, got him to crawl into bed and then climbed in after him. She shivered, he had scared the living daylights out of her.

Jo had no idea what exactly had wakened her. Sound instinct perhaps, or maybe she was simply attuned because Stu was sick and needed her. She had got Phil to help her get him upstairs to bed. His skin had been very hot to touch and she was worried. She had taken his temperature with the forehead thermometer that she had, not brilliant but it did the job okay, and she watched with a growing sense of dread as each little box lit up and went past normal temperature, 100, 101, 102. It stopped climbing at 102. _102, oh god, Stu, you're burning up._

He was still hot, Jo shivered again, and debated the idea of just waking him, wrapping him in a duvet and driving him straight back to hospital. She wasn't equipped to deal with this and the sleepwalking had almost been the last straw.

He grunted, and then shifted, a strong arm came round her waist and pulled her to him, without opening his eyes he moved his head to rest his cheek against her shoulder, nudging himself into a comfortable position, almost half his bodyweight curled into her, he made a contented noise and settled. Jo slid her arms around him, it felt a little strange lying in bed with a man in such an intimate position, but in a surprisingly good way, presumably because it was Stu. She doubted she would have felt anything approaching comfortable with anyone else. She gave him a little hug and settled herself, resting her cheek against the top of his head.

6.45am

Stu woke slowly, he was curled into a warm, soft, comfortable and definitely female body, her arms were round him, his cheek was resting against a nice, soft female shoulder, he felt comfortable and secure and cared for. It was a really really good feeling and he didn't want to open his eyes in case it vanished. He raised his head a little, nuzzling the side of a feminine neck, the scent of warm skin and something else triggered a memory in the back of his mind.

Stu cautiously opened his eyes. He was in bed, but not the bed he had gone to the previous night, he was curled up against a beautiful feminine body, and he recognised that scent. He looked. _Jo_. She was still asleep, her arms still round him, and he took a little heart from the fact that she was cuddling him. Very slowly, he eased back, and she made a little sound in her throat as he moved, to his soaring heart, that little sound was very similar to disappointment. _Stuart Turner, get a grip, this is Jo, she's gay... your next few moments on earth could be your last... oh god, what happened last night... what did I do?_ He racked his brains to try and remember what had happened. Beyond Phil Hunter half carrying him up the stairs, and Jo's tutting and fussing about how hot his skin was, the only thing he could really remember was the look of worry and fear in Jo's eyes as she took his temperature with that forehead thing. Everything else was a confused jumble.

He sat up. He was in Jo's bed, curled up next to Jo. Something must have happened, he had no clue what. But whatever had led him there, he wasn't sorry. Being in Jo's arms was the best wake up feeling he had ever had. And a large part of him wanted to wake up that way every single day for the rest of his life. _Yeah, right... as though that is going to happen... Stuart... you idiot... you're going to be extremely sorry if you've just mucked up the only real friendship you've had in years... and knowing your propensity for mucking up relationships... which is the most likely scenario... that your gay best friend who's been unfailingly kind, loving and supportive has fallen in love with you and wants picket fences, babies, hearts and flowers for the rest of your lives together... or that you did something really dumb last night and when your gay best friend wakes up it's going to be judge, jury and executioner... your track record?... you know the answer to that._

Stu groaned and put his head in his hands. A slightly disconnected corner of his brain registered that his skin felt a lot less hot, that the blazing headache from the infection he had picked up had died down to almost a whimper and that he could focus without blurred vision, but the rest of his brain was focusing on the strange constricted feeling in his throat and his chest that was nothing to do with being sick, unless being heartsick counted. He groaned again. She was going to kill him, he knew it.

She moved. He took his head of his hands, she was definitely waking up, he flinched. Waiting for the axe to fall, his stomach churned again. _Oh god_, he moaned, so concentrated on watching her wake up that he was unaware that he'd actually voiced that sentiment.

"Stu? How are you feeling?" her eyes opened and she sat up next to him. He closed his eyes as her cool hand brushed his forehead. "Oh thank god for that, the fever's broken." She sounded genuinely relieved, he couldn't detect a note of disgust anywhere. He cautiously opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Jo... I" he tried to look apologetic, even though he had no idea exactly what he was apologising for, and watched the expressions chase themselves across her face. "I guess something happened last night." He hazarded, everything was kind of favourable and the last thing he wanted to do was arose her ire, but he wanted to get any caning he was due out of the way quickly.

Her expression was a mixture of confusion, worry and a little bit of anger. "You might have warned me." She said.

"about what?" he felt extremely wary, _what did I do?_

"Oh nothing much, you went walkabout in your sleep and I just caught you before you fell down the stairs is all... nearly scared me to death." there was the faintest suspicion of a little wobble in her voice and for once in his life, Stu recognised the signs. _Jo was worried about me_. And then he connected the dots.

"I sleepwalked?" he looked as stricken as he felt, he hadn't done that in years, not since... he flinched and slammed the door hard on that memory. Remembering that time was not part of the deal, unaware of the sudden deep pain that came into his eyes. Jo stroked the back of his neck, as she connected a few dots of her own, _sleepwalking is a stress response..._ she guessed the stress that had just forced its way into her partner's mind was the stress of losing his mother, she had seen that look in his eyes once before, and it had come about the night he'd told her about his family. For a few seconds Jo pondered her chances of actually tracing Stu's errant parent. He hadn't seen his mother for over twenty years, since the night she had packed her bags, waited until her thirteen year old son was asleep and walked out of his life for good.

A stress response didn't fully explain why she had found him at the top of the stairs at two o'clock in the morning though. He was ill, running a high temperature, and she guessed that had something to do with it. But stress was about the mind not the body and she knew that she wanted to get to the bottom of it. Stu was intensely private at the best of times, getting information out of him was like prising the barnacles of the bottom of a boat with her bare hands, but Jo was determined, and he usually yielded to her determination.

He lifted the covers, he was in serious need of a comfort stop, and he got to his feet. His knees almost disappeared and he flopped back down onto the bed.

"STU!" Jo got to her feet and moved round to help him. "That was stupid, next time wait for me." she fussed over him, and he couldn't help the little leap of joy in his heart. _She really, really cares... yes, idiot... she does... but not that way... so get your mind out of the gutter and wake up..._ He put his arm round her shoulders and tried not to lean too heavily on her as they made their way to the facilities. When he was done, she helped him back to bed, not to the bed he'd had the night before, but her bed. And this time he really couldn't control the frisson in his heart and the smile that came to his face. She plumped pillows, and tucked the duvet round him. "Now for god's sake, stay put. I'm going to get some breakfast."

"Yes, mum."

"Sauce..."

He grinned, and turned over, snuggling into the warm space that smelled of Jo's perfume, making contented noises to himself.

Jo sighed, _give Stu an inch and he takes a yard_. Not that she actually minded, it seemed right somehow having him there, waking up next to him. Jo pondered that feeling of fitting together for a moment. It felt good. Different. But good.

She headed downstairs to get breakfast.

8.15am

Jo made the phone call. They would have to do without her for one more day at least. Stu was not well enough to be left on his own, and she had no intention of just leaving him to his own devices.

She was in luck, Jack Meadows was in.

He listened to her in silence. "Okay Jo, other than the report that you are going to have to write, and Stuart needs to write his too by the way, there isn't anything that we can't cover."

She thanked him, and rang off.

For a moment he sat staring at the phone. A fanciful thought popped into his head. She sounded more like a slightly panicked girlfriend than the cool-under-fire Jo Masters that he was used to, _Stuart Turner and Jo Masters... now there's a thought._ He wasn't sure if it was a good one or a bad one though. He shook his head. _Impossible. Cocky smoothie Stuart and gay tomboy Jo?... not a chance._


	5. Friends

10am

Breakfast over and cleared away, Jo sat down next to Stu on her double bed. "Hun, I need to go to your place for some more clothes, is there anything else you want while I'm there."

"DVDs?" he closed his eyes and rolling over, he burrowed up close. His head still hurt a bit, and he was feeling tired. _And I can blame the need to be close to her on my physical condition..._ if this was what being sick meant, that he could be close to the one person who was coming to mean everything in the world to him, he never wanted to be well again. Her hand rested against his forehead again, and Stu allowed himself to drift, just enjoying the sensation of her skin against his, and the little song played in his head and in his heart again.

_Every little thing she does is magic..._

Jo stroked his short cropped, spiky black hair, and sighed. He was burrowed up against her, his head resting on her thigh, eyes closed, the smile on his face spelled contentment and _belonging_. Jo liked that. It was hard to work out why, but in that moment in time, everything felt right.

He was drifting peacefully, too tired to think, just feeling the sensations of Jo's fingers stroking his head, the headache that had been gripping his brain for the last twenty four hours was slowly floating away.

Jo pulled the duvet up a little, tucking it round him. She bent to drop a gentle kiss on the side of his head and quietly left the room.

10.20am

Jo sorted some clean clothes from Stuart's cupboard and chest of drawers into the bag she had brought with her. _DVDs, he wants something else to watch!_ She walked into the sitting room. Stu's flat was definitely on the spartan side. Very few pictures, the entire thing looked as though he'd decorated it from a catalogue. She looked through his collection of DVDs, quite a few, some classics, some hard edged drama, _gritty stuff and a bit depressing_, she flicked through a bit further. _What the..._ She pulled out the box and then realised that the complete series, all ten years worth of it, was there. _Stu... you big softy._ On impulse, she gathered them all up and shoved them into the bag, _hmmm Detective Sergeant Turner, I wonder what your explanation will be for these... _ she smiled. Picked out a couple more, and stuffed them in on top.

11am

"Stuart Turner, you have to take the last of these." Jo held out the tablets, Stu was grumpy, and his throat was still sore, and the last thing he wanted to do was swallow those very large, odd shaped pink tablets that she was holding out. He took them from her hand, knocked them back, and took a big swig from the glass of water.

It didn't make the slightest difference. The two bulky odd shaped tablets scraped their way down his throat like he'd just swallowed a cactus. Stu's eyes watered slightly, _god, that really hurt._

Jo picked up the warm, milky sweet tea she had made him, "here, have some of this." He took the mug from her hands, and drank. It did make a difference, the honey that Jo had put in soothing the soreness a little. He smiled, and she sat down next to him.

"I got some more clothes for you, and I brought back some DVDs, her smile was a bit conspiratorial and he wondered what on earth she could have found to make her look like that. Then he registered that she was waving one of his "Friends" boxsets at him. _Oh lord... I forgot about them._

"You big softy." she grinned.

He blushed. "It makes me laugh." He admitted.

Jo laughed at his sheepish expression, then caught her breath at the look in his eyes. There was more to it than that, she could see it in his eyes. Picking a box at random, she slipped one of the plastic cases out. Whatever was going through his mind, they could use something a bit light hearted. Popping the dvd into the machine, she rearranged the pillows and helped him to the bathroom, he was still a bit wobbly and weak, but he was getting stronger, and, she was mighty relieved to notice that the man sized breakfast he had consumed was staying down. _Please let us be over that at least._

Settling back into bed, she slipped in beside him and pressed play. Leaning back against the headboard next to him, she was slightly surprised when his arm went round her shoulders. Surprised, but not horrified, or disgusted, or anything she thought she would feel if a man touched her. She settled back, and leaned into him a little. As the episode unfolded she even allowed her head to rest against his neck. She could feel the strong beat of the pulse in his throat against her temple. As the episode came to an end, Jo pressed play for the next one, strangely reluctant to break the mood. She settled against Stu's shoulder, and his arm wound tighter round her. By the time they'd sat through the four episodes on the disk, both Stu's arms were round her, holding her close to him, her head resting against him, Jo felt safe and secure, and something that felt suspiciously like _cherished._

She leaned a little away from him, looking up into his face.

Stu let her, he wasn't proof against this feeling inside. He wanted Jo with all his heart, and knowing that he couldn't have her hurt, a lot. Her hand stroked his cheek, and Stu closed his eyes, _pity, she knows and she pities me because she can't feel the same way._ There was a lump the size of a boulder in the back of his throat, threatening to strangle him.

Soft lips brushed his. He opened his eyes, Jo was looking at him with an expression on her face that said something very different to what he had been thinking and a little kernel of hope started to unfurl in his heart. Praying that he was not just about to ruin everything, Stu bent his head to kiss her. Tentatively he brushed his lips against hers, unaware of the desperate pleading in his eyes as he gazed into hers.

_Oh Stu... _Jo gently leaned into the kiss, parting her lips, she allowed him to explore her mouth with his tongue, and she returned the passion. Her hands slid into his hair of their own volition, and she held him close, as his hands guided her into a more comfortable position. They slid down into the bed together, pressing close to each other, their hands touching and exploring each other's bodies. Things were just beginning to slip out of control when he broke the kiss. Jo pulled back slightly as he groaned.

"Stu? Oh god, this is dumb, what are we doing? Last night your temperature was 102, and this morning we're making out like teenagers." She stroked his head gently.

He looked up at her, "head's pounding." he closed his eyes again "Jo... I" he paused trying to find the right words. He opened his eyes, and looked up at her, "Jo, I don't care if this is all wrong, or even if, after I've said it, you hate me forever. I just have to tell you." he swallowed, his sore throat tightening, the boulder threatening to strangle him again, "Jo... I love you. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I do and I can't change how I feel. That day in the car, when we kissed, I realised that I wanted to kiss you, I know I can't change you, that I can't suddenly make you over into somebody you're not, and I don't want to, I love you because you're you... but I need you in my life, Jo. On any terms, I'll take whatever you feel you can offer." _even if that's nothing at all._

Jo bent over him, looking down into his beautiful brown eyes, and seeing all his heart laid bare for her. _Oh Stu..._ The gift that he was giving her, that this awkward, difficult and complex man with so many hang ups could feel the way he did about her made her want to weep. She leaned down to kiss him, too full to speak, but trying to give him her answer in her kiss. She couldn't change who and what she was, but she could make room in her life for him; he was already there, in a corner of her heart that she hadn't known about till now.

She gently pulled back, the anxiety in his eyes had eased, something that looked very like joy and hope in its place. She smiled, and he crushed her to him.


End file.
